Confessions of the day

Due to my gluttony, I went to McDonald’s a couple of times today in pursuit of their pancakes (which are now available all day long at some outlets.)

Whilst in the queue there this evening, I observed some excessive giggling emerging from outside McDonald’s. As time went by, this giggling increased in volume and approached my vicinity, whence it appeared to emerge from a couple of semi-drunken undergraduate lasses.

The following is a stylised reconstruction of the conversation which ensued between myself and one of those strange lasses.

I: Something funny transpired, I presume?

Strange Lass 1 (SL1) : Yes; we saw Puppetry of the Penis. It’s great for men to do things with [certain limbs.]

I: While I suppose one might say that, I’d hardly do so in this company.

SL1: Here, why don’t you sign my [inaudible, but indicating her decoletage]?

[Various persons proceed to do as instructed.]

I [when pressed by SL1]: Sorry, but that sort of antic is beneath your dignity; in any event, we’re scarcely acquainted. For your sake, I nonetheless strongly urge you to consume copious quantities of non-alcoholic beverages forthwith.

SL1: Ah, but she [indicating Strange Lass 2 (SL2)] bet me AU$50 that you wouldn’t sign.

I [to SL2]: May I verify that?

SL2: Yes, I’ll pay her AU$50 if you sign [SL1’s decoletage].

I: In that case, I’ll sign in order to prove the folly of making such bets. [Signs SL1’s decoletage briskly and unemotionally.]

I: [inaudibly] Tut tut. [Audibly] All the same, I cannot overly stress the imperative incumbent on you to drink some tea. Begone, and enjoy your supper.

[Exeunt, giggling or tut-tutting.]

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